Unnatural Rain
by Shikibu
Summary: YAOI. Hiei explores the shower. H x K [Challenge fic from AoiHyou.]


Hullo, all!  This is a challenge fic from **AoiHyou**. I don't think her challenges are up at her website yet—ahem—but if you are too lazy to go to her bio and want to get straight to the goods, here's the link to her website: .  

The challenge reads as follows: **Yaoi, Kurama x Hiei: Hiei explores, he wants to know what's so special about showers that they keep Kurama away for so long… (Kurama is probably away and Hiei sneaks into the room) Most likely humor and limish.** Those are the almost-exact words of the challenge. In case you wanted to know. 

WARNING:  For the first time ever, ladies and gentlemen, this is **_YAOI_**. Explicit boy/boy love, meaning it implies more than the innocent hug and kiss. Beware.  You have been warned.  I am not responsible for any serious inner turmoil you might experience by reading this fic. Secondly, this thing, as always, reeks of badness. Not only is it my normal, standard sucky work, but this is also humour, something I have to work extra-hard at. To summarize the rest, let's just say that I'm expecting lossa flames. 

DISCLAIMER: Gee, not only do I not own _Yu Yu Hakusho_, but I don't even own the plot of this thing! Now that is sad. Behold the pathetic-ness of me. Now read on. 

Unnatural Rain 

(for lack of better title)

**[Hiei's Point of View]**

He was doing it again. 

He was behind the White Door.  I had come all the way from Makai, and the damned fox wasn't even there.  Well, that was a nice reward for all my troubles.  Do you know how hard it was to convince Mukuro to let me go?  Suffice to say that it brought back some very unpleasant memories.  On my part, at least. 

And it had all been for nothing.  That fox was going to pay.  Stupid White Door.  Stupid kitsune.  Stupid Mukuro. Especially stupid Mukuro.  Stupid everything.  I was going back to Makai.  I turned to the window.  Stupid window.  

"Hiei!?  What are you doing here?" Oh, so Kurama was there after all.  He had just been hiding from me.  Which gave me one more reason to leave.  …Ooh, and he was wearing some stupid ningen invention called a towel.  Which just so happened to show off his abs.  Uh-oh.  Warning: horny fire demon on the loose. 

My number one rule of all time has always been: when at loss for a better word, just say, "Hn".  Once more, Rule Number One proved as successful as ever.  

"I'm sorry I took so long in the shower," the fox apologized.  

I wasn't going to forgive him for being behind the White Door so easily.  So I listened intently to the oh-so-interesting silence.

"Hiei?  Are you mad at me?"  No, _baka_, what do you think?  

"I'm sorry, but I have to go to graduation, and Shiori thought I should take a shower first."  Stupid ningen woman always ordering Kurama around. Maybe I should just slit her throat_. _Hm, tempting suggestion.  

Now…  What was graduation? And that shower thing?  Not that I cared, of course. 

The fox looked through a closet full of identical pink outfits.  How stupid.  If they were all the same, what was the point of choosing a particular one?  Eventually, the _baka_ found one of his identical outfits that suited him.  Maybe it had one less stain or something.  

Wait.  Oh…shit. Look away, Hiei.  Why I actually obeyed that order, I don't know.  It would have been much more interesting if I had watched Kurama change.  It wouldn't have been the first time, either.  Well, it wasn't my fault if the fox kept his blinds open.  I just took advantage of the situation.

"Look, Hiei, I'll be back in about three hours or so, I promise.  Graduation shouldn't take that long."  That's nice, kitsune.  Why did I care?  "Will you wait?  Please?" Oh, yes, if he wanted to see me so much, why hadn't he come out from behind the White Door earlier?

"Hn."  

Kurama smiled his annoyingly happy smile.  "Thank  you."  Rule Number One strikes again. Well, it wasn't like I had anything better to do.  I _had_ convinced Mukuro to let me go free for a day, so I might as well stay away as long as possible.  Even if it involved staring at a pillow for three hours. 

The door closed behind the fox and I was left alone.  In Kurama's room.  With nothing to do—Except…explore.  So I was curious.  It was natural of me to wonder what went on behind the White Door.  What could be hidden back there?  And it wasn't like I had anything better to do. 

But first, I amused myself by counting to a thousand in as many foreign languages as I knew.  Then I named all the flavours of sweet snow.  And only then I looked back up at the White Door. 

So, ignoring the voice in my head that was always right and that I always listened to, I found myself in front of the White Door.  It was very…white.  Even the door knob was white.  I hated white.  Especially after seeing so much whiteness in one spot.  But I opened the door anyway—

—and was greeted by even more white.  All the while, I had thought that Kurama liked red.  I stood there for five minutes, deciding whether to enter or not.  There was a chance that the white could kill me.  But there was a larger chance that I would die of boredom first.  

Against all common sense, I stepped in through the doorway.  This was definitely the strangest room out of all the ningen places I had ever been.  The white desk with the crater in it was just plain stupid, and the strange white seat next to it seemed pointless. So that's what Kurama did behind the White Door. He studied.  Then why the hell did he have a desk in his room?  To stare at? Or maybe that's what this desk was for.

Oh, wait.  There was something else in the room.  And it wasn't white!  It was red!  Ha, I knew Kurama still liked red.  Upon closer inspection, I discovered that the red something was actually a red curtain. Correction.  A _damp_, red curtain.  And if there was a curtain, there had to be something behind the curtain, right?  Something important… 

I had found it.  Finally, the reason Kurama spend so long behind the White Door.  Grinning maniacally, I wiped the curtain back, expecting to find something interesting.  What the hell?!  It was a box.  A stupid, rectangular box.  _This_ was Kurama's big secret.  A box.  In the mean time, I had banged my knees against the steel beneath the curtain.  My day was just going so well. 

Hey, the box was wet.  Yes, that's right, wet.  Hm, maybe there was something interesting to this thing after all.  I know ningens are strange, but really, they wouldn't have large, white, wet boxes stuck behind White Doors for no reason, would they?  Okay, so maybe they would.  Bt stupidity can only go so far.

This box thing, it had to have a name, didn't it?  The fox had said something about something called a shower…  There wasn't a neon sign saying, "Shower" right above the thing, but I'm not dumb.  The box was a shower.  And even if it wasn't, I said so, so now it was.

Exploring ningen homes was not one of my favourite past times.  But I was bored, and alone, and bored.  So I was wasting my time by exploring Kurama's ningen home.  If the Idiot found out about this, I would be teased mercilessly forever.  But I was alone.  And bored.  Boredom triggers desperation.  And desperation triggers strange, abnormal activity.  And I think exploring ningen homes was classified as strange, abnormal activity.  Just justifying my case. 

After double-checking to make sure that there were no strange inhabitants inhabiting the shower, I jumped in.  And proceeded to slip on the wet floor.  Damn.  Who ever knew that a ningen invention could be so violent?  I was going to have to remember to tell Mukuro that.  "What?  It's not like you've never fallen in this thing before," I said aloud.  Oh, great.  Now I was talking to inanimate objects.  

I continued to mentally curse showers and water and the pain in my back as I stood up.  There were two handles sticking out of the wall.  

But before I continue I would like to say this.  Although a lot of idiots say that I know virtually nothing about Ningenkai, I know more than they think.  I know about pens, and…lots of other stuff. Never underestimate the mind of a curious fire demon.  

Because I did know what a handle was, I also knew that when you turn it, something happens.  That something, though, ranged from doors unlocking to wheels turning.  Maybe the shower would split in two, maybe the curtain would close.  So I turned the right handle sharply.  As usual, something I did not expect to happen happened.  It started to rain.  

Great.  It was raining.  Indoors.  Where it was _not supposed to rain.  I had the strange feeling that it was "Pick on Hiei and Don't Tell Him Day" in Ningenkai.  _

"Shit!"  The water was burning, as hot as that thing Kurama called an oven.  I jumped back against the wall, which just so happened to be cold and hard. Really hard.  It continued to rain.  So I leapt forward and turned the other handle.  Joy; now the rain was freezing cold.

This was stupid. It wasn't supposed to rain inside.  And those stupid ningens shouldn't make it rain inside, either.  Rain was outside for a reason.  Stupid rain.  Stupid shower.  Stupid White Door.  Stupid Kurama. Stupid everything.  While I was cursing the world, I was also getting drenched.  It wasn't supposed to rain inside, damn it!

Okay, this was going to end.  Now.  The only question left was how to kill the shower.  I _could_ use the Dragon of the Darkness Flame, but that would be a waste.  I was not going to use a powerful attack like that on the likes of ningen crap.  Curse of the Mortal Flame?  Although that was tempting, I didn't think that Kurama would be happy with me if he came home to find his house a pile of ashes.  Of course, there was the good old-fashioned katana-slashing technique.  Yes, my katana would do perfectly.

That shower was gonna pay.

**[Kurama's Point of View]**

It was stupid of me to let Hiei stay in the house alone.  Very stupid.  I knew that the moment I closed the door behind me and walked down the stairs to the car.  I never expected the house to survive, so when my mother drove up the driveway and I saw that my home was still intact, I was extremely surprised.  And when I raced out of the car and up to my room, where everything was in its place, my eyes widened in shock.  Everything was in its place, except one thing: Hiei.  I guessed that he had—

"Die, you fool!"  Okay, that was freaky.  I could have sworn that was Hiei's voice.  Oh, wait, it _was_ Hiei's voice.  I blinked.  Hiei was in the bathroom?!?  That was not good, not good at all.  I tried to imagine what havoc the little fire demon might have wrecked on the bathroom, but my imagination wasn't quite imaginative enough. 

Cautiously, I opened the door to the bathroom and peered in.  Hiei had a psychotic grin on his face and was maddeningly slashing at the shower with his katana; the water was still on.  Hm, well, that wasn't too bad.  Wait…

HEY, HIEI WAS KILLING MY SHOWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I stomped over to the shower and turned the water off, dodging Hiei's swipes.  "Hiei, what are you doing?" I demanded, hands on hips.  This was going to cost me all my allowance, if not more. 

The fire demon blinked, looked at his katana, looked at the shower wall, and put his katana away.  "It was raining."   

"It's a shower.  That's what it's supposed to do," I explained, anger fading quickly into amusement.  "People wash themselves using the water.  When you turn the knob, water comes out." I pointed to one of the handles, and then in turn to the showerhead.  

Hiei looked at me with large, confused eyes.  Damn, it was the Cute Look.  I hated the Cute Look. It was so cute. I sighed.  "The shower can be fixed."  The real problem was explaining the damage to my mother.  That would take some serious creativity on my part.  "Let me help you dry off."  The fire demon was soaked to the bone.  I could tell by the way his clothes stuck to his body—

Think un-sexy thoughts, Kurama, think un-sexy thoughts.  It really wasn't the time for my hormones to kick in.

I got the hair-dryer out of a cupboard and jumped up onto the sink.  Well, not the sink, but the platform the sink was on.  The…the… Oh, hell, you know what I'm talking about.  The fire demon hopped up next to me and I spread my legs out, one on each side of him.  I know, not the smartest position in my case, but a youko's sex drive is uncontrollable. 

"Don't be afraid when this thing starts making a loud noise and you feel hot wind in your hair, okay?" I warned.

"Kurama, what are you going to do to me?" Hiei growled. 

Automatically, I pasted one of my ever-charming smiles on my face and said, "I'm going to dry your hair for you."

"Hn."  I interpreted that particular "Hn" to mean "Whatever". The art or interpreting "Hn"s is very hard to learn, mind you.  You have to listen to the particular length of the grunt, how each letter is pronounced, and— Maybe I could write a book on the topic someday.  What?  I was only trying to think…innocent thoughts.  

I flicked the hair-dryer on and gave every ounce of my attention to Hiei's hair, and only Hiei's hair.  Not his eyes, or his lips, or his chest, or… I was a hopeless case.  

"Damn," I muttered under my breath as the hair-dryer wire (hey, that sorta rhymes!) got tangled in Hiei's scarf.  Even if it was on purpose.  Well, Hiei sure wasn't going to agree to take off his clothes, so I had to find some way to do it for him, right?  "Hiei, is it all right if I take your scarf off?" I asked in his ear.  It _was_ the only way to make myself heard.

"Hn." Which means, "If you have to."

Yay!  One article of clothing gone, only—I stopped to count—six more to go.  I ran a hand through the half-Koorime's hair as I continued to dry it. 

In my defense, I would like to say that not only is a youko's sex drive uncontrollable, but it's also insatiable.  And after a while, just fantasizing isn't enough.  Plus, I had been trained to take advantage of any given situation.      

My gaze shifted from the fire demon's hair to his neck. That was my first mistake.  I just couldn't resist. My second mistake was kissing him.  

The next thing I knew, the hair-dryer was lost somewhere on the floor, I was pressed against the wall, and a fire demon was straddling my waist and ravishing my mouth.  Okay, so I hadn't made any mistakes.  In general, though, my mind was too numb with shock to do anything but kiss Hiei back.  Which was basically all I wanted to do, anyway. 

Translations 

Baka: idiot (Japanese)

Kitsune: fox (Japanese)

And that was my pathetic attempt at humour!  Phew.  I know, I know, it's all OOC and really sucks and is really stupid. I think I'm better at other stuff.  But hey, it was fun.  

So everyone go grovel before the mighty **AoiHyou**!  Not only does she come up with great ideas for challenge fics, but damn, is her stuff good! So what are you wasting your time for, reading this?  REVIEW!!!!!! (And then proceed to run off to **AoiHyou**'s account.) -_^ 


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